Alone Again (Technologically)

Although it may be about as insightful as Homer Simpson's surprised remark that “they have the internet on computers now”, I still feel that it's sometimes worth pointing out that the world has become a bewilderingly abstract place. A moment's reflection on the significance of your mobile phone should suffice to illustrate the truth of this: in many regards it's a more effective representation of you than your own body is.

Hearteningly however (or traumatically, depending on your perspective), those instances where it's been unable to completely replace your flesh and bone you do still seem to be the most important: that varied grouping of experiences euphemistically referred to as intimacy. Despite the best efforts of robotics engineers, computer programmers and pornographers alike attempts at producing a computerised boy-, girl- or non-gender alignedfriend don't seem to have gained traction with the general public, yet.

On the other hand though, the algorithm producing sectors have seemingly enjoyed great success with the next best thing to intimacy: the practice formerly known as courtship. Indeed, it may simply be another sign of my advancing years but from discussions with friends and through the media in general it does seem as if internet dating is now a stronger presence in people's lives than it has ever been in the past. Certainly, dating or matchmaking services as institutions have a long history behind them but they've never before been advertised as heavily as they are now, which is just another way of saying that it's undoubtedly big business these days.

Having been single for a while some of the ad campaigns and my discussions with friends impressed me. I wondered if maybe Janis Iain was wrong and love wasn't just meant for beauty queens and high school girls with clear skin smiles.

Reader, I set up a profile. For one as verbose as I am I found this part oddly challenging. Unlike in person, you're obviously never quite sure just who you're addressing on the internet: a miserable situation (and the basic condition of all mass participation online) only made worse by the sense of vulnerability most people inevitably feel when hoping for intimacy. I must have been more lonely that I initially thought though as I persevered, eventually settling on a nice line in ironically self-aware nerdiness to describe myself. Let the truth set you free!

I waited for a while, unsure of the etiquette, before plunging in. Having overcome the trauma of making my own profile and trying to second guess my unknown, prospective companion this part was only slightly less strange. I filtered through the female profiles, aware of the fact that these avatars may have been only tangenitally related to the truth and that women viewing my own profile must have felt something similar. It's a weird and giddy feeling, knowing that people may fully doubt the truth of your existence when you're being sincere.

Banishing this feeling, I ploughed ahead. One girl, about whom I'd had a pretty good feeling based on our complimentary music tastes, replied showing some interest in meeting up. After some mildly flirtatious e-mail exchanges we agreed on a date. My fear that this might all have been some elaborate set up and that the ghost of Jeremy Beadle might appear as one of my dates had calmed during the e-mail exchanges but came back strongly in the days and hours before our agreed meet up in a city centre bar one evening.

She showed up.

I relaxed, seeing that she was as described, and I expect she felt the same. Aside from a brief awkward moment at the start when I dithered over whether to offer to get her a drink and a few brief lulls in the conversation I enjoyed the evening. Truth be told, I would have liked to have seen her again but it never happened: my hopes of a second meeting died in a flurry of apologetic text messages.

For a while afterwards I once again found myself feeling confused. Mulling over my sorry predicament I wondered if I was upset with the girl for not being interested or with myself for bothering with the enterprise in the first place. Or, indeed, was I annoyed at the dating service itself? Something about the notion of meeting someone and finding them to be “as described” rankled with me, as if we were both some kind of commodity with the potential to provide spiritual fulfilment. The fact that our introduction was mediated through a numerical code rather than a human (as an old dating service would have worked) also irritated me.Surely, it would make just as much sense to go to a nightclub and flip a coin and allow that to decide whether or not I approached a seemingly unattached girl?

Such frustrated musings borne of confusion are undignified (as well as being unappealing to prospective partners. Ladies, I am still single you know) though so I'll leave it there.

The world is indeed a bewilderingly abstract place.